Using Fear and Guilt to get your children to cooperate is perhaps the most damaging mistake parents can make. Parents don’t realise they are making this mistake until it is too late and their children start experiencing disorders such as anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive behaviours.
“Tom, get off your iPad, or you will need glasses!”
“Sally, stop eating cookies, you will get fat!” Sound familiar? Yes, being on technology too long is bad for your eyes. And yes, eating too much sugar is bad for your energy levels and weight. But do you know what’s far worse than that physical damage? The emotional guilt and fear you are dumping on your children. Fear and guilt are a deadly combination to the human spirit. They crush curiosity, creativity and zest for living a fun boundless life. Physical damage can almost always be reversed with diet and exercise, but emotional damage lasts a lifetime. It is far more debilitating. Just ask anyone that suffers from anxiety or depression.
Rather than teaching our kids to do things out of love for self we are teaching them to do things out of fear. Our own fears. We think we are educating them, when in truth we are terrifying them. As parents, we are much more experienced than our children and so we use ‘Google’ knowledge to make sure that they do not get physically hurt. But, the one thing children have over us is freedom from future fears. A pure absence of ‘consequential fear’, which is a beautiful human state. Consequential fear is simply this: ‘If you do this wrong now, you will suffer that in the future’. Children however live in the present, (where we all should live). But make no mistake, that does not make them stupid. Children from the age of 5 know how to avoid present and immediate danger.
“But I care for my child, I cannot let them eat junk food and be on technology all day, it is bad for them! I read books on the dangers of sugar. I watched this video on the dangers of social media and technology!” I get it. I am a parent too. It is difficult. I am not contemplating you sit and do nothing. But you need to decide which psychology you want to use. Positive or negative? You need to teach your children to do things out of self-love, not fear. For example, “If you eat carrots you will have super eyesight”. “If we go outside and play soccer you will get big muscles.” Positive talk like this gets them to do things out of self-love. It builds self-confidence and makes them emotionally solid for life. Sure they will make mistakes, but they are their mistakes to make and learn from. Don’t rob them of that basic human experience, even if it is painful and makes them vulnerable sometimes. What makes them vulnerable will make them beautiful as they grow older.
Dr Guy Winch will be elaborating on this IMPORTANT topic at our Upgrade Your Life. He will also discussing the two other BIG mistakes most parents make and the damage it causes children in the long run. More importantly he will be sharing with us the practical tools and techniques parents can adopt immediately to raise confident and emotionally stable children. I recently caught up with Dr Winch and he shared with me, for example, one simple trick to get your kid to stop whining. And it was something I wish I knew 10 years ago when my daughter was at whiny age. It could have bought so much stability to our home.
No parent can afford to miss Dr Guy Winch talk at Upgrade Your Life. It could make a huge difference to your child’s future. We still have a few tickets to the event but will be sold out very soon. I urge you not to miss this opportunity and buy yourself a Christmas gift to last you and your kids a life time. It would be that defining moment you look back on and say “I am so lucky I attended that event”.
If you would like to join us please contact, Petrushka Thach on 02 8719 4057 or 0428 213 060 or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org